Hawaii Syndrome

 Most people would love a trip to Hawaii that's paid for but I'm dreading it.  My father in-law is paying to take his children and their spouses to Hawaii on a cruise in 38 days.  After much painful deliberation I agreed to go because I had always wanted for Tina and I to experience Hawaii together for the first time.  But my father in-law has never cared much for me.  He's often critical of me, even laughing in my face at things I've tried to do over the years.  His children admit that he can be a jerk (sometimes saying he's an ass) but then they say "That's just Dad, and he'll never change."  He also has a favorite child who often gets praise when the others are put down.  It's become more and more terrible for me to be around him over my 26 years of marriage.  Times when I have hit my lowest have often been caused directly by things he's said to me. 

Then there's one of my wife's brother's spouses.  She has many similar traits to her father in-law but often uses passive aggressive behavior to get her point across.  She's loud, bossy, critical and controlling.  I have a difficult time being around her as well.  

As the trip draws near my anxiety is getting worse, I have had to deal with several eczema outbreaks.  Sometimes I just itch all over for no reason.  But what frightens me the most is being on this trip and having an interaction with these people that makes me lose my cool and begin to yell at them and destroying the trip for everyone.  I even canceled myself from a shore excursion that Tina and I had planned because I found out the controlling spouse wants to go since she found out Tina and I and one of her sisters and her husband were going.   The difficult spouse had no desire to go when it was just me and Tina but suddenly wants to join now that another couple was going.  My wife is upset that I canceled myself and wants me to add myself back on once our refund is processed.  I guess I will do that.  It was OUR thing after all.  But if I hear one passive aggressive comment from her I'm canceling again.  This should be a good time but I'm absolutely sure I am going to ruin it for everyone.  I hoped writing it down would make me feel better, I'm not sure it has.  Oh well.