I have been going through something for quite awhile now and I decided to try and write about it. Slowly, little by little, I have lost the music in myself. I'm not sure when it started but I don't feel it anymore. A few summers ago I wrote the last few compositions in me. After those were done I just had no more. I don't really desire to write anymore. Over time I have lost the desire to sing as well. I did Sweeney Todd a few years ago as well and afterward I just couldn't get excited to perform anymore. I forced myself to do Bright Star a year ago but I could only go through the motions. The whole time I wished that covid would cause the show to be canceled so that I wouldn't have to do it. It wasn't about my fellow cast members, who I loved. It just made me extremely depressed and anxious to be doing it. The part of me that has always fueled the music and performing just isn't there anymore. I don't see a future that includes it anymore either. I'm just done. There's nothing more in the tank. It's ok I guess. The biggest problem, I guess, is that music and performing have always defined me. I'm not sure who I am completely without it. But I still have my family. I'm still a dad and grandfather. Anyway, I just thought that I'd put it out there.
