Sunday, February 8, 2015

It's a process

This was my Facebook status but I thought it went well on my blog as well.

I'm not feeling very intelligent today. I feel awkward and not successful. I feel drained. I also feel a little sick. My brain is not my friend sometimes. My limbic system and amygdala are overworked when I force myself to do things that are good for me but cause anxiety. They respond by trying to slow me down. That's what seems to bring on the depression. My mind wants me to stop and think about what it is that causes the stress and how to fix it. But the logic centers know that I have been actually doing something good so my subconscious mind deduces that it must be me that is the problem.

Usually that makes me feel like I should lash out at myself and warn the rest of the world away from me too but today I'm trying to reason it out. Use the over analyzing that comes with depressed mindset (that's actually one of the natural functions of depressed mindsets in everyone just some people have a greater tendency to use it as their go to problem solving mode and I believe we actually become addicted to it) but use this mindset to fix it. By trying to use specific language to describe what is happening. Instead of lashing out at myself, I am making an effort to analyze what I have control over and what is out of my hands.

I don't always remember to do things this way but today I did. And thought that I would do it in a public way so maybe someone else could see that they are not alone if they are struggling. Our world needs us to remove the stigmas about mental illness so that dialogs can happen and more people can be helped. I'm still drained but there's hope too. I need rest but my mind is less foggy.