What's working.

Getting through these challenges I've been faced with recently has forced me to be aware of how the things I do affect me.

I made a list of things that are calming or cathartic and that cause me anxiety.  After ranking them, I was convinced that I was a nut.  But being aware of things on my lists and making sure I do enough on the good side to balance out the things that are hard can be a struggle.  Mostly because I often feel that doing things just for myself is selfish.  However as I mentioned before I am realizing I have more and better quality of time and effort to give when I do take care of myself.

I have found 3 things that seem to be an absolute must for me recently.

The first is exercise.  At the moment I notice a serious drop in my level to cope if I don't have at least 30 minutes or more of vigorous exercise each day.  My outlook is better, my energy is better and I am more conscious of what I eat when I exercise.  It provides me with natural endorphins and our good feeling  brain chemicals.  The Medication I've been on has helped get me more stable but even with it, I REQUIRE exercise.  So this is something I am putting on my must do list.

The second is working on and singing difficult music. After spending the morning in a recording session with the choir, I made it through an entire scary car ride in the rain and also a night at Boondocks without taking the extra medication the doctor gave me for panic attacks and to help me sleep without agitation.  Yes by the end of the Boondocks I was a bit frazzled and close to my limit but I made it and I attribute it to the mental challenge of working hard and focusing on music for an entire morning.  I do not however get much in the way of a boost if the music isn't challenging or the pace of learning the music is too slow.  I also still have trouble with solos, these were once a great asset to me and I believe that I can make them be that once again if I begin to take voice lessons again.  As soon as I feel stable enough I plan to start looking for a part-time job and part of the money from said job will go to paying for voice lessons, and another portion to a college tuition fund.  This way I can expand my mind and not feel guilty about it because the money will come from work I do and not our normal family budget.

I will get there.

The 3rd thing has been prayer.  I have had many experiences with prayer over my life and many new ones recently.  Daily communication with my Father in Heaven is essential and at times in my life I have forgotten it.  I have been able to really look at how I pray and who I include in my prayers and this has helped to put me in a frame of mind to think of other's needs.  I am truly humbled as I think about others and their struggles and successes.  I feel more connected to them and it truly has an effect on my anxiety level around people.

Anyway.  These are my 3 must haves.  What are yours?  Do you take time to enrich yourself and prop yourself up?  I hope so.